Over the past week, where I thought my life was secure it suddenly does not seem that way and what I was more certain of is now a mess. However after a wonderful talk with my two favorite people, I feel somewhat better about it.I thought that I was completely secure in who I am and how other viewed me, but after my great talk last night, I realize that many people do not perceive me the way I want them to. Lynnzie said that my group of friends give off a judgemental persona and she also said that it deters people away from us. Now that she has said that I can see where she is coming from. I don't want my last impression that people have of me before I leave high school to be that.
Karsen, Ryan and I came up with the consensus that we are going to try to be "those people" who invite and involve everyone.
Where the previous statements make me stressed, they helped me work out my next fear.
I am terrified that I will not make friends at college. There aren't really any of my friends going to college where I am going. This terrifies me. I am not good at meeting people. I close myself off and don't allow people to see the real me until I really get to know them.
I have been on the verge of an emotional breakdown over that and I don't know what was said but it helped a lot.
Today I honestly fasted for the first time ever. I usually say that I'm fasting until I get home and open the fridge. I have been so lost at how to help my family come to the gospel. I even talked about that last night with Karsen and Ryan. After their many suggestions I felt that I should fast, so that I would know what I needed to do to help my family. When I walked into Sacrament meeting my church "grandpa", Gerald, told me that he was just assigned to be my families home teachers. (I have anguished over the fact that we haven't had either home or visiting teachers for about a year.) I know that this was an answer to my prayers and I am truly grateful.
Today I have been pondering some of the things that I am truly grateful for. I have kind of made a rough list in my brain that I am going to attempt to put to words.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
1. A loving family who encourages me to exceed expectations in all aspects of my life.
2. My ward family! You think your ward's good wait till you come to the NEOLA 1st WARD its the best.
3. My best friends who desire to serve missions, but not only serve they want to give their 100% to the Lord while doing so.
My list could go on and on forever, but those are just the main points.
If you are one of the lucky (haha not!) people who have tuned into reading this thanks!
1 comment:
Hey Alexis,
This is Shalayne. I saw found your blog from Bree Anne's and saw this post. Just thought I would say something about your fears over making friends. Don't worry too much about it. I mean you will always be nervous because it is a new experience and while I have had friends at school with me I didn't know any of my roommates this year. Just be yourself and you will get along with them. And if not, oh well. I didn't get along the best with my roommates last year but we still made it work. I promise you though that people will like you. Your roommates become your family! Hope that helps even though it might have just caused tons of confusion:)
Post a Comment